“Sometimes goodness comes from treating yourself. Not like you burned earth to dust but like you made it into a beautiful body crowned it with stars, put a precious coat over it and called it home.”
“Your hair is too blonde” is the greeting my Grandmother gives me at our family Christmas party
“That’s really unattractive,” my friend says to me as she walks into my room and sees me relaxing on my stomach, ass up
“We really need to lose some 'lbs' in the new year,” my Mom says, while we eat the pancakes she made
“You look like Gwen Stefani,” my Uncle says, too quickly be interrupted by my Dad asking, “Is that an insult?” in front of 6 family members
“Do you want the pizza box with 1 slice in it or 2?” my friend says, trying to be funny but exuding judgment over my desire to eat at 1 am
Maybe they didn’t mean to say
For the millionth time
What I’ve heard since I was able to understand words:
I am insulting
noticeable
I am too much
I am not enough
Once again, my existence is an intrusion
appearance that overshadows my heart, my intentions, my soul, my accomplishments
Can’t they see
They turned me into an act of rebellion I didn't ask to be
Fuck your shame
However sugarcoated
Keep my body out of your mouth
A glimpse of this week's shame. Written December 2015.