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75

“There are other words and other worlds…You have taught me that.”
— Ruth Ozeki, A Tale for the Time Being

My website launched 1 year ago! I have so much fun with it as a form of self-expression and an outlet for creativity. I thought it would be fun to take a look back at some of my favorite blog posts! From poems I wrote, to trips taken, to crazy stories (member that girl who stalked my every move for 7 months?), let's take a look back at a few entries out of the 75 in the past year!

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So many more I wanted to post. What are some of your favorites?

XXXOOOO

71

“You do not need saving.
Only reminding of who you are.”
— Tapiwa Mugabe

At age 7, I traveled to Ireland by myself for the first time. The emerald isle quickly become a second home to me, and each summer I would return to live with my extended family for weeks on end. It was a tradition started by my father, a first generation American who left the rush of New York to work on his uncle's farm in the quiet fishing village of Courtmacsherry, Eire until school started again. Like my Dad, some of my favorite memories are from those summers.

This trip was the first time I had been back in the summertime in 5 years. I was an emotional wreck who was constantly crying of happiness and confessing my love to everyone. Being there again, I realized how much Ireland means to me, how significantly my time and the people there have shaped who I am.

Thank you to my Dad for enabling Rob and I to go, we had an unforgettable trip with you. Thank you to Rose and my cousin Neil for inviting us to your beautiful wedding, it was absolutely incredible. Thank you to Aunt Kathleen and Aunt Margaret for the advice and wisdom you shared with me on the trip, I am so grateful we bonded the way we did. Thank you to Robby for coming with me, meeting (literally) 100s of my family members and making them fall just as deeply in love with you as I am. Thank you to Deirdre and Siob for being future bridesmaids and forever my sisters from another mama. Thank you to Marie for always making me feel so welcome and being down to stay out way after we should be in bed. I could give a million thank yous. This trip was truly the time of my life, I could not have had a better time, and I could not feel more blessed than I do coming away from it. This trip solidified that my wedding (far in the future) will be happening in Ireland. 

We were in County Kerry at the Park Hotel/Samas Spa and then in County Cork in Courtmacsherry, Kinsale, Clonakilty, and Cork City. 

Trip highlights include:

  • Brunch with 25 of my Dad's cousins the moment we stepped off the plane.
  • Park Hotel desserts outside at 10:30 pm before the sunset.
  • The 7 mile hike through Killarney National Park.
  • Taking a horse and carriage through the Gap of Dunlop.
  • Treatments and spending time at the pool at the Samas Spa.
  • A boat tour of the Lakes of Killarney.
  • Aunt Margaret dropping her phone in the river and our guide retrieving it.
  • 5 hour dinners with my parents, Grandma, and Aunt Kathleen and Margaret in Kenmare.
  • Dad and Neilus singing at the pub the night before the wedding.
  • Grandma eating 3 ice cream cones after the reception at Rose and Neil’s wedding.
  • Watching my Dad's face as Nelius spoke at the wedding (he looked like a kid on Christmas).
  • Everyone and their mom stealing Robby away from me on the wedding dance floor.
  • Having a 99 at the Clon Street Fair.
  • The madness at the Courtmac Hotel the night after the wedding.
  • Robby and I staying out til 4 am on our last night, forcing us to go directly to the airport for a 18 hour travel day.

And so much more. Here are some photos taken in the 10 days. All iPhone.

66

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
— Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

Better Late Than Never: Madonna Inn, San Luis Obispo. Weekend of April 4th, 2016. All iPhone.

"When The Madonna Inn opened for business in 1958, it quickly became a landmark on the Central Coast of California. The property is adorned with a pseudo-Swiss-Alps exterior and lavish common rooms accented by pink roses, Western murals, and hammered copper. Each of the 110 guest rooms and suites is uniquely designed and themed. Aiming to cater to a range of tastes, rooms were given unusual names such as the Love Nest, Old Mill, Kona Rock, Irish Hills, Cloud Nine, Just Heaven, Hearts & Flowers, Rock Bottom, Caveman Room, Elegance, Daisy Mae, Safari Room, Highway Suite, Jungle Rock, American Home, Bridal Falls, etc. Some rooms are grouped in themes, like the rooms, "Ren", "Dez, and "Vous" are a play on the French word, rendezvous, and "Merry", "Go", and "Round", for an amusement park carousel."

 

Excerpt from my journal: I wanted to do something nice for R, and after feeling restless for a few days, I decided the surprise would be getting out of town for the weekend. I looked into areas with great breweries and wineries around 3 hours from LA, and San Luis Obisbo fit all my criteria.  I booked a room at the Madonna Inn, an incredible hotel that I stayed in a few years previous. The weekend was like a dream. It was filled with firsts.

...On top of all the activities we got into, I have never felt more connected to or passionate about the person I was with. We are entangled in each other in the most perfect, healthy, balanced ways. I left feeling reinvigorated by life and my relationship...

62

“There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. There is no act more wretched than stealing.”
— Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Updated 5/16 (additions at the end of post)

I’ve been a blogger since I was 16. I started on Tumblr, and over a few years, I accumulated thousands of followers. I loved that other people were inspired by things I was inspired by. I loved that people were interested in what I saw, felt, thought. I loved the lessons I learned from interacting with people from all over the world.

The internet is a place for recycling ideas and pulling inspiration, which I have done much of during my 8 years of blogging. On that topic, I am going to tell you about a strange situation I've been in.

To start, I own that I am not the first person to come up with the examples I will show you, and I will not be the last. However, there is a significant difference between being inspired by someone and relentlessly and unapologetically copying his/her brand, identity, and image.

In this case, the frequency and level of detail are what continue to be disturbing. Plus, this person, whose name is Alexandria Andrea, was privately asked to stop on 4 separate occasions, but claims it all to be coincidence. Please feel free to read and decide for yourself.

4 months ago, I noticed my close friend’s girlfriend posting things that were familiar to what I was. I would put up a pointless Instagram, or make a reference to a blog post of mine, and within a day or two, she would post something oddly similar in composition, subject, and reference. (FYI, for the caption below, #MFW = my face when).

 

I was confused, but I left it alone and minded my own business. I did not want to interfere with my friend’s life enough to even ask him about it. This seemed dumb, and maybe I should be flattered? So, I passed it off as a phase.

It continued. Daily.  Alex Andrea would not only post on her own account, but on my friend's, drawing much attention to what was going on. She was going off of images from both my IG accounts, my blog posts, and even used similar editing apps to recreate images I had played with. I was getting texts from other people about her imitating me because it was so obvious and frequent.

 

 

I decided to ask my friend what he thought was happening with his girlfriend. He barely goes on social media, so he was surprised and thought it was weird. I felt better after we spoke and believed him when he said she was probably just inspired by me and would cool down/stop.

Well, sadly, it hadn't even begun.

 

After another week or so of images like the ones above, I no longer wanted her to look at my stuff. I told my friend this, and he understood. Alex Andrea has access to his Instagram, and she would look at my profiles using his account, so with this knowledge and his blessing, I blocked both of them.

He spoke with her, but she denied it with the skill of which I can only compare Republicans' willful ignorance in denying global warming. Was she as delusional as the GOP? Or was she just trying to save face? Either way, I thought her being aware of my opinion and my blocking her would be the end of it. Since, how much more obvious can I be that: 1. I don’t like what you’re doing. 2. I don’t want you looking at my stuff?

Get ready to sit down. She created a second account, spent a week or so moving over images from her old account, deleted her old one, changed the name to the same thing, so it looked like the account I blocked. Seriously, photos on her account now start less than a month ago. Did she do this thinking I would be ignorant to the fact she was unblocked and able look at my posts? You can decide for yourself. I have no idea what the motive was behind that extreme effort to make the same account, but my Instagram is now private indefinitely.

(The images here are only from the new account and a few previous screenshots I was sent. This is nothing compared to how many posts she put up before the deletion.)

With limited access to my Instagram, she was looking at my blog. I would put something up and sure enough, she would feature the same artist I did, take images from my collages, etc.

The madness did not end. So, I blocked her IP address. Did that relay the message? Nahhh, she went on with different IPs through her phone.

(Don't worry, I've been locking my door at night.)

Two weeks ago, I published an extremely personal blog post on getting back into shape after my weight gain. This is a narrative that has been spoken about thousands of times, and each woman’s experience is different. However, when you’re 3 months deep into imitating me so closely, there is no such thing as a coincidence. 2 days after my post goes live, she posts an Instagram relaying her opinion on a plus sized blogger’s experience on exercise and getting into shape. I was baffled. Throughout this entire situation, I’ve asked myself, “What is her end goal? What is she trying to prove?” Let me be clear, I know I do not own feminism or a sector of feminism. I am not even trying to take ownership of the opinions in my post. What leaves me speechless is that no matter what I put up, no matter how much it relates or does not relate to her personally, she within days, imitates it.

 

 

Yes. She hashtagged #fatandfit.

Still, I kept my mouth shut. I told my friends and followers to no longer let me know when she was copying me. Ignorance is bliss, so if I didn't know it was happening, was it? Until just a few days later, after I put up my photos from Coachella and was informed this happened:

 

For the third time, I contacted my friend. He spoke to her on two different occasions within a few days. Denial further ensued. Tantrums were thrown. Posts were deleted. And at last, Alex Andrea continued the next day without pause.

To say the least, my mind continues to be blown by every part of this... Which leads to why this blog post exists.

Throughout the last 4 months, I’ve felt conflicted. I have never met the girl, she doesn’t even live in the same state as me, so is it a big deal? How much harm is she doing even if she is mimicking my pose, caption, style or edit at a daily rate? Does it matter? I've thought about the many angles to this and yes, it does.

For the last 8 years, I have created a personal brand for myself across different online platforms. I have worked at developing my vision and committing to a unique voice and perspective. My brand has helped me throughout my whole life. One example, I created a website for a family friend and stylist that was so successful, I got offered my current job. My boss moved me to LA because he was able to see my vision and skill through what I created for her.

So, when it came to creating my own, I made sure every last detail was perfect. Kateccoffey.com has inspired me to be more frequent with my self-expression, and it has awakened a whole new area of my brand. I write 1-2 blog posts weekly. I research; take images; pull images; write; edit; find artists, writers, creators I am inspired by; and CREATE experiences that I enjoy and that others will enjoy. I am damn proud of who I am, work I do, and things I create. They may say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when it goes this far, there’s nothing sincere about it. When almost every single thing I create is imitated in close detail, I am infringed upon. When my style, voice, and opinions are replicated, I am violated. My brand and image become less unique and less valuable.

I will not speak on her motives or agenda. For months, I tried to take the high road, handle this privately, and give the benefit of the doubt. Even still, this public post is not about being petty; It is about authenticity. Because of the years I have spent cultivating my own authentic self both online and in real life, along with her continuous actions, I felt I needed to bring this to light and say this:

My work, my ideas, my creations are to inspire others, just as they have inspired me. They are not to mimicked, outright stolen, or blatantly copied.

That being said, regardless of how often others try to recreate my art or image, they will fail. I will always be 5 steps ahead. Authenticity wins. Bullshit falls short. No matter how hard some will try to emulate me, they will never have my heart, mind or soul.

 

[Update 5/11: I have received incredible messages about this post in just the last 12 hours. I'm so happy this piece is making an impact already.

A part of my favorite message reads:

"As more of our personas are becoming digitized, this issue will only become more important. At the very least your story can act as a great case study for society to discuss Instagram culture, and the ethics of art. We should be discouraging blatant imitation as a means to increase ones self worth.
...

As for what to do about this, it seems like you’ve done all you can. The next step is to share the story, which you are. For me, I think this is a great reminder that I may need to protect my art a little bit more, be less relax about publishing, do more to legally own my content, and realize that there are people that will steal and reproduce without a second thought."

Please continue to send messages on what we "own" on the Internet, what is ethical/unethical when getting inspiration from others, and what rights we do and do not have online. Your insight and personal experiences with this are important. Let's create something useful and start a dialogue.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update 5/16:

I confronted this to take power back. I handled the entire situation with dignity, patience, and understanding. It showed me good karma is real:
On a professional level, in just the first day, my post received 400% more views than any other I've done. Not just the post, but all of my website's content was viewed around the world. An amazing plus sized fashion blogger from London got wind of it and sent me videos to tell me her similar story. She now follows me on SnapChat, Instagram and Twitter (@calliethorpe).
On a personal level, I spoke with people I hadn't connected with in over a year. I was taught new perspectives when discussing what is unethical about this behavior both on and offline. Others reached out to say how much my blog, style, opinions, etc inspire them.
As I said, good karma is real. You can turn a seemingly only negative situation into something positive! Authenticity and true creativity will always win.
PS: Yes, my friend and I are still on great terms. *Cue Real Friends by Kanye* PPS: Someone tell Azealia Banks I can help her use someone copying her style and image to her advantage next time. I'm mad I didn't come up with, "Damn, you be mood boarding the fuck outta me."]

59

“There are two means of refuge from the misery of life — music and cats.”
— Albert Schweitzer

 

 

 

My 4th Coachella left me feeling like I need to be comatose for the remainder of April and half of May. Over the 2.5 days, Rob and I walked 60,767 steps (~26 miles) and danced/jumped 17 flights of stairs in the desert heat on little sleep. My blisters are so bad, I had to go barefoot most of the weekend.

But. It. Was. So. Much. Fun.

Acts we saw included LCD Soundsystem, Jack U, Christine and the Queens, Lido, Jaden Smith, Ice Cube, Disclosure, RL Grime, Silversun Pickups, ZHU, Alunageorge, Guns and Roses, Calvin Harris, Sia (feat. Maddie Zieglar & Kristen Wiig), The Arcs, Major Lazer, Flume, Rancid, Nathaniel Rateliff, Tokimonsta, Usher, etc.

 

 

 

 

 

We met Mickey Avalon and chilled near Andre 3000 from Outkast in the Rose Garden. We made a friend from San Paolo, Brazil who spent most of Friday night with us. Sadly, I barely met up with my friends that were there, it's so hard to coordinate. We did get to see Rob's cousin and his friend from high school. Everyone loved the weekend.

And R, I couldn't have asked for a better partner to go with. I had so much fun dancing and loving you. P.S. thank you for not asking me to wear that flower crown, I was having a slight identity crisis with the corniness. P.P.S Let's get married.