blog

81

“I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts but they need constant attention & one day I decided I had better things to do.”

— Brian Andreas

L e t m e b e y o u r

S U M M E R B A B Y

S U M M E R V I S U A L S

It's therapeutic to begin writing again. Here is a short piece on the hesitation felt when developing as a person. Growing up and standing in your full power is intimidating, and it can be tempting to stay in your comfort zone.

Being connected

In a world disconnected

Is uncomfortable as hell

I'm getting to know myself, just now

Someone I neglected for 25 years

Someone I drowned out with smart phones & Netflix & vibrators & Pinot

She isn't letting me ignore her much anymore

She makes my tummy ache

She makes my hangovers hurt like hell

She throws tantrums until I say

You

When she's scared, I tell her I'm here

When she's lonely, I tell her she doesn't have to be alone anymore

When she's mad, I validate her feelings

This relationship scares me

I avoid it often

Probably because

It's the most important one I'll ever have

And I'm terrified of how powerful I will become with her by my side

Power means responsibility

And I like my Netflix & wine a lil too much

76

“I will touch a hundred flowers
And not pick one.”

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, excerpt of Afternoon on a Hill

Goodbye 2016

I am on the brink of something new, something earth-shattering. This year, I continued to work on becoming more of my true self, the self that existed in perfection and wholeness before the world told me who I should be. I stopped using friendships and relationships to mirror back who I am and instead began to look inward. I put an emphasis on health and cut out many things from my diet which helped me rediscover my body and an abundance of energy. I used and will continue to use every day to experiment and reveal new depths of my being. I do this with the knowledge that I cannot make the mark I wish to make on the world until I work on myself.

I move into 2017 in the spirit of love and authenticity.

Favorites of the Year

TV show: Flaked on Netflix

Film seen in theaters: Doctor Strange

Film seen at home: American Honey

Book: In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Wood

Album: I Remember by Alunageorge

Song: Cranes in the Sky by Solange

New Artist: Maggie Rogers

New Producer: dné

Concert: Alabama Shakes (Greek Theater)

Play/Musical: Ride the Cyclone (Off-Broadway in NYC)

Out of state trip: Ireland

In state trip: Madonna Inn

Nature trip: Yosemite National Park camping

Local find: Erewhon Market

Off the bucket list: Tattoo

Thing to remember: Attending the largest anti-Trump rally in LA

Drastic Changes: No more vodka or wine/champagne, if I do drink, it's only gin. No more gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, nuts, fish, eggs.

New endeavor: My monthly IBP class.

Lesson learned: Rebellion isn't authentic. It's the same as complacency. It's looking and reacting to the outside, it is dependent on the outside. It is not an inner voice.

Trips

Santa Barbara (My first time, January)

Joshua Tree Camping (February, December)

New York (March, June, August, December)

Jalama Beach Camping (March)

Bay Area/Menlo Park (last time with Under <3 March, June)

San Luis Obispo (April)

Coachella (April)

Ireland (June)

Sun Valley, Idaho (July, August)

Las Vegas (August)

Orange County/Disneyland (September, October)

Yosemite (October)

Long Beach (My first time, October)

Tahoe (October)

Tucson, Arizona (November)

Concerts

Red Hot Chili Peppers for Bernie Sanders (January)

Bonobo at a Club Called Rhonda (January)

Afrojack (February)

Coachella notables seen: LCD Soundsystem, Guns n Roses, Silversun Pickups, the Arcs, Rhye, Christine and the Queens, Sia, Flume, Major Lazer, Jack U, Nathanial Rateliff, etc (April)

Felix da Housecat at a Club Called Rhonda (May)

Rihanna, opened by Travis Scott (May)

Beyonce (May)

Rudimental (May)

Gorgon City (May)

Fedde Le Grand (May)

Felix da Housecat (July)

CAZZETTE (July)

Pure Prairie League (July)

Alabama Shakes (August)

Beyonce round 2 (September)

Duke Dumont (September)

Sigur Ros (September, first time at Hollywood Bowl)

Drake (September)

Zhu (October)

Mickey Avalon (October)

Two Door Cinema Club (November)

Favorite Art Exhibits

Pixel Forest by Pipilotti Rist at the New Museum in New York

The Visitors by Ragnar Kjartansson at The Broad in DTLA

Cindy Sherman, special exhibition at The Broad in DTLA

75

“There are other words and other worlds…You have taught me that.”

— Ruth Ozeki, A Tale for the Time Being

My website launched 1 year ago! I have so much fun with it as a form of self-expression and an outlet for creativity. I thought it would be fun to take a look back at some of my favorite blog posts! From poems I wrote, to trips taken, to crazy stories (member that girl who stalked my every move for 7 months?), let's take a look back at a few entries out of the 75 in the past year!

Screen Shot 2016-11-07 at 11.29.03 AM.png

The one about personal growth and lessons learned in LA.

The one with the love poem to R.

The one where Sarah wrote about what my blog means to her.

The one with the girl who copied my every post for 6+ months.

The one on Coachellaaaaaaa.

The one on the trip to Ireland.

Screen Shot 2016-11-07 at 11.42.51 AM.png

The one with the poem on being an old soul.

The one on our second time at Joshua Tree.

The one with the intense green mood board.

The one on getting back into shape.

The one on Jalama Beach camping.

So many more I wanted to post. What are some of your favorites?

XXXOOOO

68

“Do it or don’t. It’s amazing how many things in life are that easy.”

— Henry Rollins

B&W Mood Board

Screen Shot 2016-07-20 at 5.04.37 PM.png

I listen to a list of (my) faults

Yet in my soul, I only find peace, clarity... Truth

My truth keeps me warm

My roots deeper than ever, feelings steady

Strong

Peaceful

At times, I am still tempted to question what I know is true

Times when I am blinded by others' visions

Projection after projection... misguided thought, undeveloped feeling

But I remind myself

It is not my job to clarify your tunnel vision

It is not my duty to go with you into your darkness

I am constantly self-reflecting and evolving

Just as I am constantly wishing others would do the same

My truth is not mine to give, it is mine to keep

I am done wishing, playing reruns of the past

I am done speaking truths til I'm blue in the face

My truth stems from the work that I have done in my short time walking this Earth

My freedom comes from the locks I have shattered on cages (I and others') built for me in the past

They talk behind my back and to my face but their broken, sharp words bounce off me

My skin is tough now

I am warm with my truth and strong in my bones

I am done with apologizes

I am done with explanations

67

“That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach.”

— Aldous Huxley, Collected Essays

Thank you to those who use their influence to speak to/for the silenced. But we need more of you.

We need more of us.

To ensure we have all had enough of the same stories of injustice.
To promise we will forever use our privilege to speak up for equality.
To act daily in the name of changing our system and the way things currently stand.
To yell #BLACKLIVESMATTER and correct those who respond with #alllivesmatter.
To educate those to are hesitant to face what it's like to be POC in America.
To speak up when someone says white people can experience racism. They cannot.
To say we are your allies, and we are going to work to make this world an equal place for you.

Demonstrators gather after marching at the Louisiana Capitol to protest at the death of Alton Sterling"You have rainbows in your heart." A letter outside the Montessori School where Philando Castile worked. — Demonstrators gather after marching at the Louisiana Capitol to protest at the death of Alton Sterling
"You have rainbows in your heart." A letter outside the Montessori School where Philando Castile worked.

"It's natural to wonder what you would've done or who you would've been if you lived in a different era. Often, many of us wonder who we would be if we were alive during the Civil Rights Movement. You don't have to wonder. We are in it right now. Whoever you are right now is an indication of who you would've been then. Listen, this movement NEEDS YOU. Don't be a spectator. Don't just be an observer from afar. We are living in the modern Civil Rights Movement. This time of great injustice needs you. The time is NOW!!!" -Shaun King

----------------