XXV

“If you have to speculate if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don’t. It’s not that complicated. Love, in most cases, betrays the one feeling it. Don’t waste moments waiting and wondering. Don’t throw away your time dreaming of someone that doesn’t want you. No one is that amazing, certainly not the one who would pass you up.”

— Donna Lynn Hope

A part of a letter from a close friend about my blog. Thank you for being you, Sarah.

"Finally, GOOD JOB GIRL. You have always been an extremely talented photographer, and I know you have written bits and pieces through the years, but I am psyched that you’re playing around with expressing your thoughts more and more through words too. I’ve also been trying to explore the idea of pairing words with pictures, and its really fucking difficult, so I want to seriously compliment you on the structure of your blog here – I like the break up of writing from you / other writers you find inspiring / photos you find inspiring / photos you have taken of others / photos you have taken of you – what a great concept.

I just really admire this and want to explore it more as well. This really gives insight into who you are – others may not understand you, but if they are anyone worth knowing they will at least understand that this is blog is genuine portrayal of yourself – an intimate peek (god, that sounds creepy, sorry I’m out of words – dare I say SNAPshot) into your mind and heart. It shows what you find inspiring, and then shows the product of that inspiration! Brilliant!!

I know we’ve talked a lot about how you don’t like how people idolize or worship you and how that stems from the image you portray on social media, so try not to take this in that context – I want you to know that you inspire me because you use every day to find yourself. (If I’m honest, I think your job and lifestyle allows for that creative energy / space/ process more than mine, but I still want to work on this and see this as a goal, and I know I could do better.)

I am proud of you for your personal drive just as much as I am proud of you for your professional drive. You truly find meaning in every thing around you through your (conscious and subconscious) analysis of its effect on you, and I think this blog shows that. I know you are proud of yourself, but you should be VERY FUCKING PROUD of yourself. I agree from your last post that you have always been an old soul from the time you were young, but I know you are not arrogant because you do not see yourself as complete, and to me that is the difference between arrogance and confidence. You know your soul is a work in progress and this piece is about that and this blog is an even bigger exploration of that journey. Well fucking done. People always say “life has so much in store for you” but whatever life hits you with, its nothing compared to what you have in store for it. You are beautiful inside and out, and I love you very very much."

XXIV

“I am better than I was.
I will be better than I am.”

— (140/365) by (DS)

I have been told I am an old soul since I was able to communicate to the world with words

Wise beyond my years, a 50-year-old in a 15-year-old’s body

Why sentences I string together make my soul seem larger than the body it is trapped inside, I am unsure

At 23, I am today called an old soul

I am wise in my own thoughts

I am strong in my stride, my body, my reality

But others’ actions and realities confuse me, make me question my own

I often feel misunderstood in my attitude, my image, my disposition

At 23, I continue struggling to love my Self without brutal internal questioning and doubt

Despite my efforts to communicate who I am, I have been burned and bruised by those close and far from my heart

Some misunderstanding, some completely rejecting the Self I was, I am

The wounds always feel the same

Yet each battle leaves less of a scar

I emerge stronger, more confident in my own skin, more in love with my own mind

I am not resentful, I am resilient

I am closer to those who stay in my corner

Old souls are wise, but not all-knowing

In a world of new souls, we have many lessons to learn

XXIII

“You were red.
And you liked me because I was blue.
But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky, and you decided that purple, just wasn’t for you.”

— Halsey

My photos/edits x Neon Dream, Slava Thisset

Russian photographer Slava brilliantly combines photography and digital art. Through her photographs, she explores the fluorescent aesthetics of neon lights with make-up, body painting, lights and photo retouching. Read more...

XXII

“If every life is a river, then it’s little wonder that we do not even notice the changes that occur until we are far out in the darkest sea. One day you look around and nothing is familiar, not even your own face.”

— Alice Hoffman, Incantation

London style (October 2015):

XXI

“The path I choose through the maze makes me what I am. I am not only a thing, but also a way of being—one of many ways—and knowing the paths I have followed and the ones left to take will help me understand what I am becoming.”

— Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon

I am spitting out your name in the back of my bedroom.
I am six cups of coffees in, but that’s besides the point.
I am figuring out which parts of my personality are mine
and which ones I created to please you.

I am still holding onto some of the letters you wrote me.
I tell myself it’s to remember.
I tell myself it’s because I am afraid of forgetting
the early warning signs.
I tell myself I’m not sentimental.

I’m not sentimental. 
I’m just afraid of throwing every burning thought
I have about you into the trash
and starting a wildfire.

Thinking about you takes effort now. 
These days, if I want to bleed you out, 
I have to grab a knife.

This is a form of self-abuse. 
This is a form of reliving my youth.
This is a way to remember what it felt like to be near you.

The Dust On This Poem Could Choke You by Lora Mathis