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“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

— Franz Kafka

Recent visuals I'm into.

xxo

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“And I said, ‘I feel so lonely’, and he said ‘Lie down and tell me about it.’”

— Anne Carson, The Anthropology of Water

It's hard to say goodbye to summer. There are some visuals and sounds to hold onto.

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“I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts but they need constant attention & one day I decided I had better things to do.”

— Brian Andreas

L e t m e b e y o u r

S U M M E R B A B Y

S U M M E R V I S U A L S

It's therapeutic to begin writing again. Here is a short piece on the hesitation felt when developing as a person. Growing up and standing in your full power is intimidating, and it can be tempting to stay in your comfort zone.

Being connected

In a world disconnected

Is uncomfortable as hell

I'm getting to know myself, just now

Someone I neglected for 25 years

Someone I drowned out with smart phones & Netflix & vibrators & Pinot

She isn't letting me ignore her much anymore

She makes my tummy ache

She makes my hangovers hurt like hell

She throws tantrums until I say

You

When she's scared, I tell her I'm here

When she's lonely, I tell her she doesn't have to be alone anymore

When she's mad, I validate her feelings

This relationship scares me

I avoid it often

Probably because

It's the most important one I'll ever have

And I'm terrified of how powerful I will become with her by my side

Power means responsibility

And I like my Netflix & wine a lil too much

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“We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”

— Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethlehem

It's been months since I've had a working computer. Feels good to have access to my vision boards again.

Xxxxo

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“I will touch a hundred flowers
And not pick one.”

— Edna St. Vincent Millay, excerpt of Afternoon on a Hill

Goodbye 2016

I am on the brink of something new, something earth-shattering. This year, I continued to work on becoming more of my true self, the self that existed in perfection and wholeness before the world told me who I should be. I stopped using friendships and relationships to mirror back who I am and instead began to look inward. I put an emphasis on health and cut out many things from my diet which helped me rediscover my body and an abundance of energy. I used and will continue to use every day to experiment and reveal new depths of my being. I do this with the knowledge that I cannot make the mark I wish to make on the world until I work on myself.

I move into 2017 in the spirit of love and authenticity.

Favorites of the Year

TV show: Flaked on Netflix

Film seen in theaters: Doctor Strange

Film seen at home: American Honey

Book: In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Wood

Album: I Remember by Alunageorge

Song: Cranes in the Sky by Solange

New Artist: Maggie Rogers

New Producer: dné

Concert: Alabama Shakes (Greek Theater)

Play/Musical: Ride the Cyclone (Off-Broadway in NYC)

Out of state trip: Ireland

In state trip: Madonna Inn

Nature trip: Yosemite National Park camping

Local find: Erewhon Market

Off the bucket list: Tattoo

Thing to remember: Attending the largest anti-Trump rally in LA

Drastic Changes: No more vodka or wine/champagne, if I do drink, it's only gin. No more gluten, dairy, soy, sugar, nuts, fish, eggs.

New endeavor: My monthly IBP class.

Lesson learned: Rebellion isn't authentic. It's the same as complacency. It's looking and reacting to the outside, it is dependent on the outside. It is not an inner voice.

Trips

Santa Barbara (My first time, January)

Joshua Tree Camping (February, December)

New York (March, June, August, December)

Jalama Beach Camping (March)

Bay Area/Menlo Park (last time with Under <3 March, June)

San Luis Obispo (April)

Coachella (April)

Ireland (June)

Sun Valley, Idaho (July, August)

Las Vegas (August)

Orange County/Disneyland (September, October)

Yosemite (October)

Long Beach (My first time, October)

Tahoe (October)

Tucson, Arizona (November)

Concerts

Red Hot Chili Peppers for Bernie Sanders (January)

Bonobo at a Club Called Rhonda (January)

Afrojack (February)

Coachella notables seen: LCD Soundsystem, Guns n Roses, Silversun Pickups, the Arcs, Rhye, Christine and the Queens, Sia, Flume, Major Lazer, Jack U, Nathanial Rateliff, etc (April)

Felix da Housecat at a Club Called Rhonda (May)

Rihanna, opened by Travis Scott (May)

Beyonce (May)

Rudimental (May)

Gorgon City (May)

Fedde Le Grand (May)

Felix da Housecat (July)

CAZZETTE (July)

Pure Prairie League (July)

Alabama Shakes (August)

Beyonce round 2 (September)

Duke Dumont (September)

Sigur Ros (September, first time at Hollywood Bowl)

Drake (September)

Zhu (October)

Mickey Avalon (October)

Two Door Cinema Club (November)

Favorite Art Exhibits

Pixel Forest by Pipilotti Rist at the New Museum in New York

The Visitors by Ragnar Kjartansson at The Broad in DTLA

Cindy Sherman, special exhibition at The Broad in DTLA

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