56

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”

— Frida Kahlo

Beautiful, rainy April

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I’m learning to talk less
An absence of voices to hear me
Is a lesson to be learned
Or so my therapist says
“
Learn to be alone
Stop looking for advice
The guidance you need is inside
”
I talk to myself
But I don’t care for the sound of my own voice
It doesn’t convince me the way it should
It doesn’t give me what I need
Yet

--------------------------------------------------------------

You obsess, stalk
Attempt to emulate creativity you do not possess
What stress continual imitation must cause
Far passed inspired,
you Suck from others' Individuality, foster a Stolen image
Stolen image after stolen image
At your best
you F a i l
In having any slight depth, voice, vision.
Do you see your luminous transparency ? Insecurity ?
Realization of your lack of identity
Leaves me vacant
So I quickly stop myself
Basic Falsities are
Undeserving
of my thoughts
of my breath
.
I smile
and Forget you

XL

“Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”

— Marc Chernoff, Mark and Angel Hack Life

With us,
there is no other half.
No “you complete me"s.
No “without you I’m nothing"s

Yesterday
my flight was cancelled
and I wanted to run to another
airline counter and
buy the next ticket home,
just so I could see you that night.

I miss you. Acutely.
My missing is a fire licking
at my throat. The absence of you
is a flame threatening to pour
out of my mouth and shake hands
with my loneliness. I’m burning
in it. But I’m still something.

So we don’t do incompletes.
We don’t tell each other
we’re nothing without the other.
You’re not here and I’m lonelier. I’m less person
and more flame. I’m licking
smoke off my bottom lip
and tasting all of the ways I can
miss you, but still, I’m something.

Always.

Still Something, Lora Mathis

XXXVII

“My hair is being pulled by the stars again.”

— Anaïs Nin

Feb 2016 aesthetic:

Also, check out this new song by Chairlift, I love love love.

Despite the rough start to 2016 with getting ill, I am very optimistic about the New Year. My resolutions for this year share a common theme: minimalism.

One goal, I'll share with you: start to shed layers of unnecessary stuff (both physically and emotionally) that I have accumulated. 2015 was a great precursor to this movement, and in my bones I know that letting go of Things will allow me to reach a more basic lifestyle of bliss and ease. My first step is to go through my apartment and get rid of as much as I can. I have done purges in the past, but I now have a desire to donate it all and keep as little as possible.

Minimalism: "be more with less." With each task accomplished, my mind will be clearer and my soul more at peace.