“Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.”
Skinny doesn't equal fit.
Fit isn't a number on the scale or a body type. It's a body feeling.
I used to be unbelievably fit. I would go to the gym 6 days a week and feel guilty as hell if I didn't make it 7. I would not leave the gym unless I burned at least 800 calories through cardio alone. After, I would do weights and floor work. I would run at a resting speed of 6.5- 7 mph with frequent intervals at 8- 8.8 mph for a solid hour. I could run and run and run and never ever get tired. I would stop when I felt bored enough. I was in incredible shape and even went on retreats to health spas and took tests to see how I could become fitter.
Despite my level of fitness, I've never been skinny, and I probably never will be. I have an athletic body type, as you can see in the pictures above of when I was in shape. I have a big butt, strong arms, and calves that are more muscular than I would like (thanks, Dad). Plus, I like to eat!!! Because I sprained my ankle CONSTANTLY in different sports and activities, including 3x during a varsity lacrosse season, I had to get ligament and tendon surgery when I was 20. This totally threw me off. Being unable to walk, I quickly gained 20+ pounds. I gave in to laziness and comfort, and I lost my fit body throughout recovery and the remainder of college.
Since I can remember, I have been praised for my looks and (after the awkward teenage years) recognized for my face and body. I grew up around people who preached the importance of looks, like how happiness stems from physical appearance. We, as women, are lied to from birth: we are not required to look like society wants us to; we are not lesser if we do not look like society expects. I've been UN-TEACHING myself all of the lies that were shoved down my throat and gaining weight surprisingly helped that process along. In fact, I think I have been in this spot for as long as I have been partially as a form of protest. It has been an interesting experiment. I am the manifestation of "FUCK YOU. I WILL LOOK LIKE WHAT I WANT, DO WHAT I WANT, EAT WHAT I WANT. You can either love it, and I mean ALL of it, or get out of my way."
Do I think being somewhat overweight is a huge burden to bear and I'm a martyr? Not at all. More than sending a message to anyone else, I figured out I've been trying to send a message to ME. The lies I tell and expectations I put on myself have been a battle my whole life. I've learned I CAN be overweight and still do everything and anything I want to. I can still have incredible sex, fall in love, have a ton of friends, feel sexy, go out in cute clothes, be a role model, and have an active lifestyle. Are there days where I feel self-conscious and fat as hell? Of course. Is it still a daily internal battle? It can be. Do I still think about and call out my flaws? More often than I would like. But I've come a long way with self-acceptance, and I am more confident today than I was 3 years ago in great shape and eating a can of raw tuna fish for lunch.
My worth is dictated by my soul, my intentions, my thoughts. This seems cliché, but it is something we women have to teach ourselves despite all odds and messages. With this growing change in mentality, I am interested in getting back into shape again. Not for vanity, but for new reasons: health and self-love. Enough with laziness and using my appearance to prove I can have it all no matter what. Like all other goals in my life, I'm going to do this. For me.
Now here's a funny video I adore:
